Change is hard. It’s even harder if you feel like you have to show up as someone that you think people will respect as legitimate.
I was a Rockette for years. I was really good at this job. Seriously. At one point ensemble members remarked how I never got notes. I was swung out of a dress rehearsal. This is HUGE. Then, everything changed.
I was hit by a bus, which fractured my skull in 7 places and put me in a coma for 6 days. Cut to recovery. I did another season as a Rockette, but the accident curtailed my dream career path. Who even was I anymore?
After years of showing up and standing in line doing as directed, I’m now no longer doing what I was adept at for so long. I thought I had to become something else if I’m now going to sit at this table with these people.
It turns out that it was much better to show up as myself.